How to Throw a Block Party—And Why You Should - Vanessa Elias (POY 56)

The loneliness epidemic among Americans has been well documented, and loneliness, by the way, is usually defined as a feeling of not having close relationships or a sense of belonging. In 2024, roughly one in three Americans surveyed told the American Psychological association that they felt this way at least once a week. So what can we do about it? One idea is to revive the practice of block parties, where people from a local street or neighborhood gather and enjoy themselves. I talked with the founder of a project that's encouraging this idea, and I asked her how anyone can throw a block party where they live. I'm Josh Morgan. That conversation is coming up next on the plural of you, the podcast about people helping people. I'm a data analyst and sociologist living in Baltimore, Maryland, and I want to honor as many kind and helpful people as I can in my lifetime because I aspire to be like them. I publish this podcast on the 15th of every month so I can introduce them to you. You can check out episodes from the past nine years. You can subscribe if you haven't already, wherever you get your podcasts. And if you wouldn't mind, tell a friend if you liked this episode. I hope you enjoy the show. This month I'd like to introduce you to Vanessa Elias. She's the founder of Block Party USA, a project based in Wilton, Connecticut, which is on the southwest corner of the state. Vanessa advises community leaders, organizations, and normal folks like you and me on how to throw block parties in their neighborhoods. Her mission with the project is to ease the burden of planning block parties so that more groups will give them a try. So far, Block Party USA has been embraced by authors, politicians, and the residents of Wilton as a tool for combating things like loneliness, which I mentioned before, as well as social isolation and political divisiveness. Vanessa primarily works in the field of mental health, specifically mental health for parents of children and youth. By day, she's the founder of Thrive with a guide, her coaching firm for parents, and is a group facilitator for the National alliance on Mental Illness in Connecticut, or Nami for short. She'll explain how she became interested in this topic in a few minutes, and she'll also explain how she's connected the dots between promoting mental health and promoting block parties and how those two concepts can have positive effects on one another. I got a sense while talking with Vanessa that she is a force for good in a lot more ways than just mental health or block parties. She has this fearlessness about helping others that I really admire, and I think that'll all come through in the next half hour or so. Here's my conversation with Vanessa Elias, founder of Block Party USA. It seems like with you, you know, I approached you about Block party USA, and I quickly realized you have a lot of other things going on, especially related to mental health. There's your work with thrive with a guide, and then there's your group work with the National alliance on mental illness, and you serve on several boards and that sort of thing, youth boards. So I'm just curious, is mental health the through line, through everything? Is that the theme through all the work that you do?

Absolutely, because everything is connected to mental health. If your mental health is suffering, your life suffers. So mental health is healthy, and it's at the root of our well being. So all of my work, really, that's the central thread through it all, is there are many things that we can do to improve our mental health and the mental health of those we love.

Yeah, I mentioned before we started a few years ago, I had some mental health issues. And, you know, my wife was my biggest cheerleader while I was going through those things. And she would always say, you know, it's like if you had a broken arm or if you had like a, like some sort of other physical illness, like, you got to stop and take time to treat the mental illness just as you would any other sort of sickness.

Absolutely. Well, it's wonderful that you had a wise person supporting you with this, because that's exactly true. Mental health comes first. Health comes first. And to take time out for that and recognize it and see it and have people around you knowing, having empathy for you and not thinking you're doing it on purpose or choosing to have these challenges, I think that's really key to recovery. And just talking about it in general to crush the stigma of mental health.

Yes, absolutely. Would you mind explaining the work that you do with thrive with a guide? Like, I have a general understanding of what you do, but what specifically do you do with thrive with a guide?

So thrive with a guide is my parent coaching business, and I do one on one on parent coaching. I give presentations on panels, keynotes, and also do some writing. I started thrive with a guide. Officially, I think it was 2020, end of 2019. I started working on it in 2020. It was finally an LLC, and it really came out of my work as a parent of a child who struggles with mental health issues. I do have a BA in psychology, so there's always been an interest of mine, and looking back through some old college papers, typed, of course, that back then there it was. A question about what I wanted to do, and it was help parents raise confident kids. It's always been a passion of mine and then my life circumstance. I struggled for years as a mother, as we struggled as a family. And so when I had lived abroad, we lived abroad as a family for six years. When we came back to the us, I knew that I couldn't suffer in silence anymore, and so got involved and became involved. I'd said one day to a friend, I wish there was something like Al Anon, but for mental health, and, oh, interesting. She said, there is. And that's how I first learned about Nami, and that's when I went. I went to my first Nami meeting and got involved. They started one in our town as a result of the need and the conversation we were having then I became a facilitator. So I've been facilitating parent support groups for the last nine years.

So it sounds like you have a lot of context for the work that you started with. Thrive with a guide, and then the rest of the work that you're doing. Like you mentioned with Nami. Yeah, I think you have three daughters, and one of them is affected by mental illness.

Well, I would say they all have priests on a spectrum to some extent where you are in your life. But, yeah, originally what brought me to this work was my oldest daughter. And I learned through being vocal about mental health that I always referred to my daughters having unlucky DNA. And I was seeing around me so many people that wouldn't fit the unlucky DNA description, but it was really an environmental impact, you know, impacting their well being, students and parents alike. So that's where some of the other work comes in, is how we can make change as humans to connect each other.

Yeah. And it seems like you had the idea eventually to start block parties to help out with the environmental aspect of your work.

Absolutely.

Did you have, like, a eureka moment where you're like, this is what I should be doing?

Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah. So I had my own experience with pluck, so I moved before I moved to the town I live in now. I moved 28 times.

Oh, my goodness.

Always knew, like, I was a new kid and then did it also as a family, and so knew what it was like to be lonely, isolated, and trying to adapt to a new community. And one of my most special memories was when we lived in St. Louis and we had a dent and road, and we. They had block parties, and the block party was definitely the highlight of the summer, if not the year. And I have such fond memories. Such joy. And it also connected me. Like, I babysat for kids in, you know, younger kids in the road. And then I lost a brother at three days of age, and I dependent in my parents grief. They were struggling with their own thing. So how wonderful was it that I had other adults in my lives that I could literally run to and be comforted. So it played, that neighborhood connection played a really big role in my life. So in our town in 2016, there was a big increase in incivility, and we had post it notes, anti semitic post it notes in the middle school. And we were trying to come together as a community in terms of what we could do about it. And the first select woman brought some community leaders together. And the legislators were talking about how the vitriol they receive online, either Facebook posts or messages, comments or email, and how vastly different their interaction with the same person is when they're in person, when they're face to face. And at the same time, our family had adjusted moving back to the US. And I really became aware of lack of play, specifically free play for kids, recess also. But it was really like the after school weekend neighborhood life that I was really. We were just over scheduled. And so those two missions sort of came together because block parties bring you out of your silo. I used to call them silos of hell. Actually, I kind of still do so little silos of hell. And, you know, bringing people together, connecting with neighbors, and then also allowing the opportunity for neighborhood free play. So block parties, just the concept. It just all came together. So we started it in our town in 2018 when I was leading the Wilton Youth Council and as part of our free play task force that we established. And then I realized that other people in other towns were interested. They wanted to know more how it was done. And I really realized this was, this had a massive potential on a national level.

So when did you throw your first block party on your own? Like, you grew up around other block parties, but when did you throw your first block party?

So it was in 2018 where we really, as this, you know, as part of an organization, we really pushed it town wide, community wide. And the important piece was that it would be micro local. So in your road, in your development, in your building, and not a sort of a town wide block party where you've got, you know, 300, 400 people together, it just doesn't create that lack. I mean, those are fun, too, don't get me wrong. But what we're looking for is that really geographical connection. And so that's what we did. And the first weekend. So we designated two weekends book ending the summer. So usually like the first or second weekend of June is what we, because we've done them every year since then, except for Covid, when we weren't allowed to. Then another weekend in September and you can pick which weekend. You also don't have to do either weekend. If that doesn't work for your road, you can pick another time. The whole point is just to have it. But what was great is when you have a weekend, you're doing something in your road, but you're part of something bigger. And so that first weekend, inaugural weekend, we had 40 block parties with about 1200 residents.

You said 40 block parties?

Mm hmm.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah.

How did you coordinate all of that?

Well, I didn't coordinate all of it. That's right. It's sort of teach someone to fish is the message. So my role is to provide tools and resources to make it happen because I found that so many people wanted to do something like this, but they felt awkward about reaching out to their neighbors.

That's my problem.

This provided an excuse like permission to reach out. I'm really interested now in what's getting in the way of making that happen because it turns out feeling awkward is just the first step of that. But this, if you're part of something, you can say like, hey, we're going to be part of this big block party USA. Point to the website. I have a block party USA guide. It's a PDF to make it easy to do and just really to give people an excuse and permission to do what they really want to do in their hearts and reach out to their neighbors.

That's awesome. So what makes for a good block party?

A good block party is simply an invitation and four or more people getting together and sharing some food or drink. That's all. It's really, the whole point is to keep it simple and make it manageable, doable. Because we have, we are so invested into perfectionism and making things a pinterest moment and above and, you know, just going to the extremes. And the whole point of this is to keep it old fashioned and simple. So, you know, putting up a table, everybody brings some lawn chairs, some potluck drinks to share, you know, no bouncy castles, no pony rides. This is not what this is about. It's really just getting together, keeping it really simple. I think one of the other challenges I find is that people feel badly if they've invited, let's say, 20 neighbors and only two or three houses come. But that's not. You've made that happen. That would have never happened without you doing it. And the numbers really don't matter. It's about the connection. And smaller groups are actually sometimes a lot better because you get to know people better. So don't. Don't worry about numbers. Just you and another household is all that matters.

Yeah, I could see that. Especially if. Because I'm curious about throwing one in my neighborhood, and I'm imagining if I were to throw the first one and I get, like, just a few people show up, I would at least make connections with them so that maybe I could build up my confidence. And the next time I throw one, maybe those same people come, and then a few more people come, and I guess that's how it kind of grows and develops.

Yep, absolutely. That's it. And the thing we have to remember, I mean, there was a need. Obviously, I started this before COVID but especially after Covid, it's challenging for us to get out of our cozy homes, get together with other people. I was talking with another weaver from the Aspen Institute social fabric project, and she was saying, I'm a raging extrovert, and I have found that I just don't have the social battery I used to have pre Covid, which then, if you think about people that aren't, you know, raging extroverts, that that would be even more of a challenge. So I think just getting people slowly out, making it a safe place for people, and I think that means playing host like you, you connecting people, you know, name tags and sign up sheets for your neighbors are really important. First step of this, that would be the place to start. And, you know, just giving people some notice and people are busy, so them not showing up is not a personal thing. It's about them and their life schedule or how they're feeling about being social. So you providing that opportunity and slowly growing it is what's amazing.

Did you have any awkwardness when you started this project or did because you grew up with it in St. Louis? I guess maybe you didn't have it so much.

Yeah, I lived in St. Louis for 18 months just to put that out there.

Okay.

So it was just really that one time. So, yeah, there's some awkwardness, but I also. I was so committed to it. And the pushback might have been from my kids too, like, mom, what are you doing? You know, and just, I think, as a parent, to know that that's normal, to just keep going ahead, because my kids have loved it. They have met, you know, people in the neighborhood, they feel grounded, and then they've gotten babysitting jobs or pet sitting jobs. Right. Like, it's benefited even the kids. And that's actually a really important point I want to make, is when you go and you have kids in your house, young adults, teens, and they're like, eh, it is really one of those required family time things because young adults especially need to be pulled out of the house. And so get them to help carry a cooler or whatever, get them involved somehow, and then maybe have them hand out name tags or something like that. But that's a really important piece because what's special about this is the mixed ages, the mixed generations, and that we, the only similarity we all have is where we live. Like, there's no other group identifiers for us.

Yeah. At least initially, because, you know, once you meet people, maybe, you know, you will learn more that you have in common.

Absolutely. And that's one of the stories I have, which I always refer to, is we have a neighbor who, during the 2016 election, you know, tons of political signs, and they didn't vote the way we voted. And he and my husband bonded over smoked meats. Like, that's right. And when we get together, we have so much more in common than we do different. But when we're behind the computer screen or in our houses and not connecting, we don't remember that. So, yeah, so many great stories.

That makes me curious. What are some of the potential benefits of having a good block party? Like, what have you noticed in Wilton since 2018, since you started all of this?

Yeah, I've noticed a couple of things. So I don't take any, I don't have any statistics on it, but I have a lot of impact stories. And there's one road in particular that I'm doing a case study on to see what has all with the ripple effect of the block parties that they, you know, they participated in. One of them is more kids on bikes and walking to homes, like our homes. Sometimes you can't even see the other one from where you are, and the roads have no sidewalks, and it's not really pedestrian friendly. But now, and at the beginning, it was like, oh, there's a kid, you know, you weren't used to seeing. It was like seeing a giraffe on the side of the road. Right. Like, you're not used to seeing it. And now it's become more normal. And then just one of the things I know, just with my own road, with all the storms we've been having, like, trees down, powers out. And now we have this neighborhood group chat. You know, anyone see? You know, and you can say, like, oh, the crew's coming, or careful, this is, you know, this is happening. And so just feeling supported. Your neighbors are your first responders and safe and supported. And actually, someone just told me, and I got to look it up, but he said that the number one factor for safety in your road, in your community, is knowing your neighbors names. So I've got to go look that up because that's a really great little factoid from borrowing the cup of sugar to asking for help or to feeling just grounded as you go for a walk like I walk my dogs. And after the first one, I just felt so grounded where I was such a great feeling, saying hello to neighbors and not just a polite smile, but knowing their names and chatting, it was such a real boost to your mental health.

Yeah, because I'm imagining my own neighborhood, and it's kind of a suburban area in Baltimore City, and, you know, I'll take walks, and I look around, and I feel isolated because I know my next door neighbors, but I don't really know anybody else.

Yeah.

And it seems like a block party would be a good way to get to know my neighbors a little better, 100%.

And I would love to be in touch with you and find out how it went. I'm here. I mean, I really. I do monthly or bimonthly, like, Zoom meetings where people can join and ask any questions, and I'm here to help. Like, if you have a stumbling block, I'm happy to. This is my passion project, so I am ready to help at any time with. With any questions, you know, or to just talk through, like, what's getting in the way or to ask what worked for somebody else in this situation, because it kind of feels like, you know, these used to be a big part of american culture, and in some spots, they still are, but it's like learning how to ride a bike for the first time, right, to get some guidance, and then you just got to go for it. But I think remembering that there is no perfect way and that there is no perfect scenario, you know, some people, like, we just think of all the reasons why, well, if this were like that, you know, it's not possible because my road is busy, right. Or something like that. Well, it's like, okay, have it in someone's driveway, someone's yard. There's really. There's no right way, and it's just a matter of making it happen. So I'm here.

That leads me to my next question. A long time ago, when I first started this podcast, I interviewed someone named Adam Greenfield, and he was the co founder of the public bench project in San Francisco.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

So they built free public benches for one particular neighborhood. I think it was the inner sunset neighborhood in San Francisco. And like you, he had a lot of different causes and organizations and everything that he was involved with. And he told me just kind of offhandedly that a block party was a great way to establish community and get people out of their homes. And the formula he gave me, I wrote it down here is to, to find a place, find a time, make some flyers, distribute them, and then that's it. Picking a place and then kind of getting the word out. Those are like the biggest hurdles, I guess, in addition to the overcoming the social awkwardness at first. But do you have any other tips beyond that formula for someone that's looking to throw a block party in their neighborhood?

Absolutely. If you go to blockpartyusa.org, that's my website, and on there I have a ton of information, including benefits, but most importantly, how to. And there is a downloadable PDF that I've put together.

It's super useful, by the way. I'm glad you provided that.

Yes, just because it's really, we're all busy, we have best intentions and we've got to make it as simple as possible for someone to execute on the idea. The gap between that's a great idea and making it happen, we have to have as many, make it as easy as possible. So yeah, it talks about keeping it simple, doing it, grabbing another neighbor that you know to find a date that works if you don't know one. It just makes planning easier and not having all of it on your shoulders. Picking the date, don't worry about the size. Some suggestions on location, whether you need a permit, that really depends on your, where you're holding it. And your town, like our town does, discourages closing your road. So we put up some signs, like caution, block party, and then, you know, tips like name tags and sign in sheets, some markers, and then focusing on just in who to invite, mixed ages, food, you know, doing the potluck, and then also some bubbles, chalk and kickball. Right? Some depending on your location. But chalk, sidewalk chalk has been a huge hit. So asking when you, when you invite, people have, you know, put your email on there or your mobile number. And then if they say, what can I bring? You know, if, you know, they have kids, ask them for chat, you know, so just a collaboration that you don't need to do it all yourself. So, yeah, it's an easy checklist collaboration.

Because, see, I think nobody else in the neighborhood is proposing this idea, so it would be me proposing the idea, but I'm. I guess this is me kind of thinking out loud as we're talking about this. I'd have to find someone to collaborate with.

You know, your two neighbors.

Yes.

So if you have, do you have their mobile numbers? Or you could text them both, tell them what you're thinking, ask if they'd be in on, you know, helping plan it, and if so, you know, tell them you're thinking this date, this time, like I do. For our road, I've done Sundays from four to seven. Like just a little window though, so it's not too late for people with little kids. And then, you know, it's around meal time. So that's what's worked. But different roads do different things, so it's, it's really what's going to work for your three households would be the place to start.

Okay.

And go from there and you can still lead it. Right. But you've got these, you've got, you're collaborating with the two of them and, you know, they might need a little hand holding at first because they haven't talked to, you know, they haven't talked to me about it or looked at the website, but yeah, that would be the way to go. It's wonderful that you have some people you can already text.

Yeah, that's great advice. I appreciate you sharing that.

Yeah, absolutely.

One thing we haven't talked about and I don't know, you said you don't have data on the effects like in Wilton, for example. But have you seen a difference in mental health in your community?

Well, mental health is an ongoing challenge with a lot of different variables impacting it, of course. But I know that with all of the connecting work that I've done, how much people appreciate it. So I know that it's making a difference in people's lives. And I have this one case study that I am in contact with that road a lot. So they have s'mores parties, they have an elderly neighbor that needs a ride, they give them a ride, they have the babysit. They are so connected and it's changed their reality. A food train for a new mom. Just so many stories from just this one little road of how it's changed them. So I know from that road it has made every household, their lives have improved by having that connection. And there's one other little thing that I do, that I encourage people to do. Eight years ago, I started this Facebook group called Women of Wilton, and it was just a place to announce once a month get togethers in a local restaurant, or we've also done salsa dancing and going to the theater together, but just to be out and be social with each other, because our relationships are the most. They're the biggest indicator of happiness, our connections and our relationships. And I focused on women because we're usually the primary caregiver and everyone else's needs comes before ours. But if we're not okay, we can't show up for our kids the way we want to. So I know with that experience, there have been months where I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm so busy. I don't have time to do this. Somebody else take the lead tonight. And then I go, and I am so gratified by the experience and the appreciation from other people that it gives me the fuel to keep going. And most of the time, I like it. It's just sometimes right, tired, late, you know, busy day and all that stuff. But it just. It fuels itself.

That's so great. I'm really impressed that you've created so many opportunities for yourself to be able to get out and find, you know, third places, to get away from home or work and just be with other people. Like, I'm. I guess I'll just say I'm really proud of you for creating so many things, not only for you, but you're for your family, you know?

That's so kind. So kind.

Thank you.

You're bringing tears to my eyes. That's really kind of you to say. I appreciate it, and I appreciate you taking the time and giving me the opportunity to share this with other people because there are so many out there that really could benefit. And just, you know, this one action can make a big difference and have a ripple effect on their life.

You already mentioned your website for Block Party USA. Where can we follow you? Online.

So blockpartyusa.org is the website block party only has. Block Party USA only has a Facebook page, but I also encourage you to follow thrive with a guide. It's thrivewithaguide.com is the website. And then I have Facebook and Instagram. Also LinkedIn. I do have a YouTube channel and I'm working on putting more videos on there. But those are the main spots on both Block Party USA and thrive with the guide Hub newsletters. And I don't send too much or sell the information to anyone. So I encourage anyone who's interested in learning more to sign up for the.

Newsletters and the monthly or bi monthly webinars that you mentioned for Block party USA. Can we find those on the Block party USA website?

Exactly. And also, if you sign up by email, the next ones, we've done two in May already, and I'll send out the June dates shortly.

Okay, sounds great. Is there anything we haven't talked about yet that you'd like to bring up?

No. Thank you for asking. Just you can do it. And is my only everyone has a potential to be a wellbeing catalyst and just encourage them to go for it. We only get one life, and these are wonderful opportunities to have a life worth living and create richness in our lives.

This is the plural of you. I'm Josh Morgan, and the show's website is pluralview.org. that's all for now. Thanks.